The Current Heartache

I have reached the point yet again in my life where I find myself begging on some level. For those of you that may not know the history of this, or may not have been keeping up, here is what has been going on. In late October, I found myself in immense pain that I thought was testicular in nature. I applied for short term disability through work through Liberty Mutual. Initially, it was approved and it was determined to be epididymitis. I did what I was told, took the medicine and came back to work. I was then told that since I was out for less than five days, I would not qualify for any days with short term disability because it was less than five days.

After a week more, the pain became unbearable and I was referred to a urologist. The urologist actually did nothing more than say that the issue was not testicular in nature and that I would have to see a general surgeon. The earliest that the general surgeon would be able to see me was the beginning of January. At the beginning of January, the general surgeon determined that I was actually herniated in three places. That would require surgery. The surgery was scheduled for January 18th. In the interim, the insurance company Liberty Mutual denied my claim outright because it had been 45 days and all they had to go on was the urologist stating that the issue was not testicular in nature. Keep in mind, this denial came when I actually had surgery coming on the 18th proving that it was medical in nature. They further determine that even with as much pain I was in, that I could have been working all along. If I wanted to include the information about the surgery, that would all have to go into an appeal. What money I was bringing in during this time was brought in by either begging friends and family or writing online. Work never managed to pay a dime.

From January 18th on was the time of the surgery and the recovery. It was a terrible time and again, there was no real regular income. Most bills ended up being covered by a mixture of generosity, online writing, and the tax return coming in. Rent itself lagged about a month behind. When I finally did get back to work, Liberty Mutual said that I had exactly one appeal. I wrote out my appeal and kept calling them every day, the appeal was then denied based on their feeling that I should have been able to work and that they felt like the surgery was really after the fact. At the very least, I felt like there should have been payment for the time after the surgery through at least coming back to work. They managed to feel differently. Furthermore, work required an 8 page form filled out by my Doctor since the appeal was denied to even approve a leave of absence from work. In short, if the form was not filled out correctly, then I would still not be able to return to work.

Finally, I was allowed to return to work in the middle of February. After that, even with the tax return things struggled to get everything up to date as far as bills were concerned. I was informed by the apartment that I was about 1200 behind on rent. I figured that could make that up so I actually worked six days last week in order to get my check which deposits tomorrow up to 1200 at least. I figured beyond that I could again make it through by writing or whatever small things were needed to make it through for the next two weeks. There was an actual plan and everything seemed like it would go well. Most importantly, it did not look like I would have to beg.

Best laid plans of mice and men and all. I come home last night to a note on the door. The note says that I will be evicted on Tuesday if the amount is not paid of 1488 by Tuesday. This was actually nearly three hundred above what I had been initially told. Even with the overtime, the total amount needed to avoid eviction at this point now stands at around 342. The plan was always that if I could make it to May, then I would get paid three times because of the pay cycle on the two weeks in May. Furthermore, the beginning of May is the time in which my pay check is actually padded by a quarterly bonus and the last check is when the monthly take outs for car, home, and medical insurance do not come out. I had actually planned on mostly getting caught up on May 3rd. Then the paycheck on Mary 17th would break even and the paycheck on May 30th would actually get me ahead and all of the nightmare would finally be over. I don’t even want to discuss the medical bills. That is a special discussion in and of itself. 2013 was marked on the calendar for a long time as the time in which I was supposed to finally get out of a lot of bad stuff on my credit report. Basically from about 2003 to 2006, there was a series of defaults and damaging information. So, I have pretty much forgotten about credit after that. Starting in 2010, things started to drop off. The final negative mark was supposed to just go ahead and fall off in 2015 (which was a dispute with my apartment in Oklahoma, an entirely different discussion in and other itself). The place in Oklahoma was overtaken with bugs and they literally refused to take care off the air issue because they wanted to renovate.
So even though there was a plan and even though next month is going to be good, I have to get through this month first. All in all, the total amount is about 350 or so that I drop dead need. The problem is that I feel like I have been constantly and always begging for money, so it has been a rather serious blow to my level of human dignity and all. This is especially true because I had to make a similar plea at the beginning of January.

Honestly, I don’t actually know why. I have the most wonderful generous and consistently great friends in the world. I just don’t know how many times (even given the extreme circumstances) I am going to continue to have friends when it seems like all I ever feel like I do is in fact beg for money. I just have to believe that God has a plan for me and that God will provide for me and my family. I know that times are rough all around. I just don’t know if there is just about 350 out there to make it through this last hurdle before everything is good again.

I have no real right to ask, however I find myself in the position of asking and not having another way out of it even though I have tried so hard to avoid asking.

My pay pal is if you can help out. If you are not able too, I understand completely. People have already given above and beyond so much to me that I could never even begin to repay any of them for the amount of human kindness, love, and everything else that I have received in life. If it doesn’t work out, then God simply has another path for me in life. I keep talking about how faith, family, friends, and love have saved me. I just hate that it keeps being a necessity. Thanks for taking the time.


About ciscell


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